It was tart. Uh, I didn’t play the tambourine. And if she gets real mad⦠If your woman gets real mad, then she’ll issue a pussy strike. And they had entertainment⦠You’re sitting around, you’re meeting people, and you mingle, first you mingle. Okay? We caught up with the comedian on Instagram Live today. I’m telling you right now, if you ever do anything good for your kids, take a picture of that shit. Kids are fucking mean. “God rested.” Okay. Shit, I gotta get over there.” “Fucking Eddie Griffin. Like I keep half a Viagra in my wallet, just in case she ever goes through an “old comedians” phase. I’m telling you, we need fucking bullies. I should’ve known my mother’s face didn’t deserve to be on the walls of our house. But you watch the news and it’s like, “Well, we can’t change the gun laws because every American has the right to protect their home.” Every American has the right to protect their home. Nobody thinks you’re cute, nobody thinks you’re smart, nobody gives a fuck about your opinion, nobody on the whole Earth outside of this door gives a fuck about you. âª, ⪠All my cats with open cases Big cars, and no license âª, ⪠All my n*ggas that say pause After they say some fucked up shit âª, ⪠Jigga shit Roc-A-Fella forever, yo âª, Your email address will not be published. Just amazing. Every man in this room is a job loss away from losing their woman. Here’s the thing. That’s right. He could’ve been in the trailer with us watching The Godfather. That’s right. You know, we got cop problems, prices problems, we got some gun problems. I hope you doing well. Dad, it’s so heavy. In this extended cut of his 2018 special, Chris Rock takes the stage for a special filled with searing observations on fatherhood, infidelity, and politics. I’m a grown man and I’m like, “This is inappropriate.”, My God, young girls like to get on top, always wanna get on top. I’m tired of this shit, man. Prices are the new Jim Crow, baby. “I don’t know what’s gonna happen. So my kids know when they deal with anything white, they gotta think about that shit. There ain’t nothing better than a good mortgage. What else? I think they need a Black orientation, white, gay, straight, Mexican, whatever. Here’s my question. Let me ask you a question. That’s right. “Strokes a good dick, don’t she? I mean, honestly, I wanna live in a world with real equality. I hear Charlie Wilson might stop by.”. Like⦠She didn’t even register me as a dick-carrying member of society. One of the reasons is ’cause we all love guns. Let me ride it. Stop competing. He’s scary.” “No, it’s dreadlocks, Lola. I went in there, that judge was like, “Uh, Mr. Rock, I need to see pictures of the beds in the bedroom to make sure the children have a place to sleep.” I was like, “What? I’m just glad to be back. Yo. I’m telling you right now. That’s right. You know when you go to the Caribbean, you land and you get in that van. I’m too smart for these people. Like, “Hey. I mean, unless Rihanna, you know. Oof, What Are We to Do with Siaâs New Movie. Creflo Dollar. You got to fuck, you gotta keep it up. And he nodded, kinda⦠He was kind of ashamed. I know I said you gotta punch your Black son in the face, but, honestly, I believe all children should be punched in the face. Just tearing fucking kids up. Like, I was basically looking at God as I was giving this bum some money, like, “Look at me, Lord. Thank you, honey. Let me ride it. There’s no guy going, “Yeah, I want her to yell at me the way she yells at him. There ain’t never gonna be no gun control. I mean, I’m basically trying to find God before God finds me. It’s like, I basically was trying to kick-start a blessing. Remember, it used to be fun to fly? “Children are born loving. If you think you can help God out, you don’t believe in God. (It will clock in at over 90 minutes.) You know who’s gonna do it? Eyes on the prize. Yo, the justice system in America should be just like Walmart. Do you think God meant to make quicksand? Remember, you used to be able to pick grandmother up at the gate? That’s right. These knees are delicate.”, But them young girls like, “Let me get on top. You didn’t do nothing, now you gotta apologize to move this shit on. It’s like, “Okay. They used to actually miss each other. Nothing like a bad mortgage that you all fucked up. “Wheel! Oh, my God. I was, like, “What kinda half-assed education is this?” I mean, school is supposed to prepare you for life. I’ll suck your dick.”. Nobody’s taking your wife. I thought⦔ “You, I thought you was all right. Rihanna looked at me like I was one of her aunts. ‘Cause you never know when you might need receipts of love. They will shoot your ass, okay? A lot of people say that he’s the new me, but I’m not finished being me yet, so that shit is⦠That fucks with me⦠His name is Eddie Murphy.” And everybody goes crazy. You think kids were nice to Mark Zuckerberg in high school? Check out a clip of Rock announcing the special below, in which he refers to Total Blackout as âfor the first time in history, a remixed version of a specialâ â also a âhot remixâ: Already a subscriber? Richard finally says, “There’s a young man here. I’d need a Asian girl with a Black girl’s ass that speaks Spanish⦠just to get my dick to move an inch. That’s right. All rights reserved. That’s right. 2021 | TV-MA | 1h 37m | Comedies. But racism is not gonna stop. You gotta watch Delirious on VCR. We watched them all so you donât have to. I’m sitting there and this lady comes up and goes, “I want you children to know, you can be anything you wanna be.” “You can be absolutely anything you wanna be.” I’m like, “Lady, why are you lying to these children?” “Maybe four of them could be anything they wanna be.” “But the other 2,000 better learn how to weld.” “Shit. A man is only loved under the condition that he provides something, okay? It’s your house, right? Okay, fellas, tonight, when you go home, I want you to try⦠I want you to try⦠Fellas, when you go home tonight, I want you to try to hang up a picture of your mother. Larry the Cable Guy is back to Git R Done. But I didn’t give him five dollars for him, I gave him five dollars for me. If you haven’t been having sex, that’s gonna be hard. Can this motherfucker facilitate a dream or not?”, That’s right. They could be anything they wanna be? âª, ⪠Can I live, for all my n*ggas With all white Air Force Ones âª. That’s right. Coming to you straight from the Rialto Square Theatre in Joliet, IL to your seat at home! She’s just dead going around the conveyor belt. Then the judge was like, “Mr. Let me say, ‘What’s up? When the cops see me walking down the street, they’re like, “N*gga, n*gga, n*gga, n*gga, n*gga.” “Hey, that’s Chris Rock!” “Man, you are funny, man. Let me get on top.” I’m laying back, this girl’s bouncing on my dick, I can’t tell if I’m fucking or changing oil. One of them bad Suge Knight mortgages where your house is just looking at you, like, “Where’s my money, bitch?” “It’s death row, motherfucker!”, That’s right. I’m actually dating. âª. And he gets down there, the mortician’s like, “I’mma pull back this sheet, and when I do, I need you to identify the pussy, okay?” And he pulls back the sheet and your husband’s like, “I don’t know. So, I bought a house around the corner, okay? Now I’m dating. Yeah. Eddie and Richard only got together for the movie. Some kid getting his ass kicked by a bully, that’s who. Shit worked out, okay? Your woman finds out, and now, she’s new. That’s what a fucking relationship used to be. You got to keep the shit moving. If you gonna play tambourine, you play that motherfucker right. You hear me? That scary-ass drive⦠from the airport to the resort. Okay. Your email address will not be published. Nope, nope.” I gave him enough to get something at McDonalds, but nothing to drink. I’ve been getting my kids ready for the white man since they was born, okay? “Hey, Gates, you Charlie Brown-looking motherfucker.”, “Fuck you and your Windows, you gape-toothed motherfucker.”, “I’mma smack the shit out of you, you fucking Gate.”, “Gate, motherfucker. They’ll take him. If you’re not, then you’re fucking up as a parent, okay? You want everything to be routine. You’re never sitting courtside at a Knick game, getting a hand job from Halle Berry, and God shows up. Everybody was there. Now, Rock is treating fans to even more of those critically lauded jokes with Chris Rock: Total Blackout, The Tamborine Extended Cut, which hits the streamer next week. And you gotta fuck no matter what mood you in. If you hug ’em, take a picture, if you feed ’em, take a picture. No, no, don’tâ¦. I love you. This napkin, okay. One person can’t move it at all. Shit, if you got a 739 credit score, you ain’t killing nobody. This cop shit ain’t gonna stop, man. I might. It’s like fucked up. I never heard of anybody getting cyber-kicked down a flight of stairs. You shot up a theatre, people are like, “Should have had Netflix.”. Love guns. I had a gun. He’s gonna eat me. Who’s gonna figure out global warming? They right in your back pocket. Meanwhile, I had about 400 in my pocket. Just trying to find God before God finds me, man. And Richard looks at the note, and he puts it away and he keeps working a little bit. You take care.” And I kept it moving. You know, ’cause you sit in an auditorium, quite like this, with a couple thousand kids, and people come up and speak and just lie to children. Nobody in the whole world gives a fuck about you. And I hate when people go, “Well, you know what, cyberbullying’s worse.” Shut up. It’s a hard fucking job, man. And we’re dancing and it’s a bunch of Black people dancing our asses off. What was I thinking? Do you understand, “Nerds rule the world”? Pre-school is just jail with milk. Uh, you know, taking care of my kids, man. You don’t want this shit. Yeah, man. No, she took that house years ago, and the kids were in on it. That was a swell trade, dick for dishes. Fucking Mississippi. Women, children and dogs are loved unconditionally. phenomenon, Bo Burnham, brings you his first one-hour stand-up special “Bo Burnham: Words, Words, Words” from the House of Blues in Boston. Women, children and dogs are loved unconditionally. Kept her off the pole and now⦠Started high school. But it has to be deployed correctly. Hey, it’s my fault ’cause I’m a fucking asshole, man, just⦠I wasn’t a good husband. You know? ‘Cause here’s the crazy thing, man. Nothing worse than a pussy strike. I’m like, “No, no, can’t have that. I don’t know what Oates does. Take care of her or she will leave you. You say that soon as he walk in, okay? I got girls and I go hard. You know, Whole Foods does not say, “No Blacks allowed.” But a seven-dollar orange sure does. Oh, man. She’s a monster.” I’m like, “No, she’s Asian, Lola.” “Stop it. You’re like, “I won’t suck your dick.” “You don’t suck my dick now. She’s never the same again. And your husband has to come down to the morgue and identify the pussy so you could get a proper burial. It’s the new chick at work, new chick at school. You take one sip, you’re like, “That baby wasn’t really dead, right? It’s not really my lane. Do not get mad at your woman. I love watching religion, studying religion. I got college motherfuckers coming at me, right? From what we know, the new special will stretch beyond the original 68-minute runtime and will be rebranded as Chris Rock Total Blackout: The Tamborine Extended Cut. The last party at the White House⦠[chuckles softly] You been to the White House? It was unbelievable. I was married for 16 years in the era of the cell phone, which means⦠my 16 years is actually longer than my parents’ 40. Well, a bad mortgage is any mortgage that doesn’t allow you to do anything but pay your motherfucking mortgage. Let’s start this again.” So, I’m at this party, I see Rihanna. In this extended cut of his 2018 special, Chris Rock takes the stage for a special filled with searing observations on fatherhood, infidelity and politics. What the fuck does that n*gga do that can help you out? There’s a lot more now, I’ll tell you that. I got my custody. That’s right. Who’s gonna solve the problems of the world? He’d be like, “The kids died?” “What time?” “About eight hours ago.” “Oh, shit.” They had no contact at all. Pussy strike. This whole thing with the cops, man. I had no time.” And I’m bragging about giving him five dollars. I wasn’t kind. You’re lucky I’m trying to re-finance.”. You know what I mean? Kids are mean motherfuckers, okay? Give it a shot. The comedian made ⦠Shit. I mean, honestly, I don’t think they pay cops enough. I’m done. Another thing religious extremists messed up, man, air travel. We got rid of bullies, a real bully showed up, and nobody knew how to handle him. Home of Biggie and Jay. Have you ever been performing a task, it was going perfect, and you took a rest? We don’t do this shit by ourselves. And when I got divorced, I wanted it to be smooth. “Where are the athletes?” Then I see Charles Barkley like, “Ah, my n*gga.” Right? So I’m there, and it’s me, and Ahmir is there, and Jay-Z, Beyoncé, Oprah, Steve⦠It’s like I died and went to Black heaven, right? What should I put, Cedric the Entertainer?”. You know, ’cause Stevie’s been in the White House more than most presidents. But that wasn’t enough. Just ready to smack the shit, like, “I can’t believe this motherfucker think they can talk to me this way. I haven’t been to church in ten years. It has a 37% rating among viewers, however, so something is up. “What she look like?” Ladies, when you meet a new guy, what do your friends ask you? So⦠So Stevie’s playing and me and Jay-Z get sad, ’cause we realize we’re never gonna play the White House. Are you fucking kidding me? It’s the American way, man. We’re up to 16. All rights reserved. And if you’re on tambourine, play it right. You’re in a fucking band. Chris Rock Total Blackout: The Tamborine Extended Cut. Any bullies will be kicked out of school immediately.” And right then, I wanted to take my daughter out the school. Oh, they’ll fuck her good. You don’t wanna get divorced, let me tell you right now. You shot up a school, nobody cared, man. They’re never, ever changing the gun laws. You get a dirty shirt. I’m walking down the street, there’s always some kid, “Hey, good work, Chris. Devil making it rain at the strip club. You play it with your ass, like, “Tambourine, motherfucker, tambourine.”, “A tambourine, motherfucker, tambourine.”. Like, “God coming back on Wednesday at 2:30. Raising your child is just beating the hate out of them. To do things, to go places, to buy shit. And somebody comes on and goes, “Well, we can’t change the gun laws ’cause Americans need the right to hunt. Stop telling your kids that they’re special. What is that shit? I’m walking around, looking around today, and I wonder⦠You would think that cops would occasionally shoot a white kid just to make it look good. Shit, that’s right, man. You know, I had a attitude. Let me get on top. That’s how Trump became president. A woman can leave you mentally. They need an airline⦠They need an airline with absolutely no security for people that are in a hurry, and willing to take their lives in their own hands. But some jobs can’t have bad apples, okay? You know, I just thought I was the shit, man. Nobody. That’s what Whitey do.” “He burn your fucking ass. And they fuck immediately. He could’ve been my friend. Here’s what happens to you. Hamilton won’t last that long. '” And I’m like, I said, “How you doing, Rihanna?” You ever forget how old you are? That is a bad mortgage. That’s right. We always get caught late night, come home smelling like hotel soap. I made it, man. I’ve been⦠I’ve been so busy, man. I’m trying to get a little religion in my life. Shoot me in the head and give me a call.”, So⦠I’m in court⦠Yo, one day I’m in court, and I’m just looking around, and she got three lawyers, I got three lawyers. “What is a bad mortgage?” you ask. Chris Rock: Total Blackout, The Tamborine Extended Cut includes new jokes, glimpses behind the scenes, and interviews, with him. Shit’s expensive.”, That’s right. I made her. That’s right. But he gave you good dick. “Zuckerfucker, motherzucker, motherzuck, zucker, motherzuck, suck-my-nuts-er, zucker, motherzucker, motherzuck, zuckermother, zuckermother, motherzucker.”. I wasn’t talking about me.”. We’ve got a justice system for Black, for white, for rich, for poor. Who gives a fuck if you can code⦠if you start crying because your boss didn’t say hi? The pussy strike only works if you fuck your husband regularly. They’re only tough when one person is working on it. That’s right, that’s right. How the fuck do you have a school with no bullies? Sometimes, they’re trying to sell you your own shampoo back. Ladies, that’s right, take care of your man. I’m sure they’re nice to you. We don’t permit bullying. Oh, man. Like, fucking quarter of a mile, like, right around the fucking corner. I would appreciate it. ‘Cause there’s nobody to take their lunch money. You wanna be my girl, be peaceful. Bullies do half the work. My father used to leave for work at 6:30 in the morning, come home at 8:30 at night, and during the day, him and my mother had no contact at all. A lot of teeth been lost over tone. Like⦠pilots. Could have stabbed 100 people? Let me get on top. And the house is the dealer. And they got up that morning, they brushed their teeth, they put on suits, they fixed their hair with the sole purpose of taking my shit. Then one day you give him a good look, you’re like, “Wait a minute. It ain’t never stopping. You talk about it too long and you will get shot. I made your dick, too. I’m retired, I’m⦠This cheat shit, I’m done. You can’t go nowhere, you can’t even come to this motherfucking show. Now, that’s believing in God. I’mma be at Burger King at 10:38, okay? You think I got a manger, what? “I was talking about the country.” And I’d never felt so stupid in my life. You get desensitized, you know? That shit’s a job. And she gives me a look like, “Who let this n*gga in my house?” She didn’t say that, but that’s what the look was like. I’m talking from hell. It’s weird. That’s right. First rule, rule one, stop competing. Stop it.”. You don’t want that. I was doing a movie a couple of years ago, and one of my bullies was working security on the movie. Smart people find other people to work for them. I never heard of anybody getting a cyber-bag of piss thrown at them. Trying to find God before God finds me, man. I was addicted to porn. Fellas, take care of your wife, your girlfriend. Like, puts some, like⦠Puts some extraâ¦. BET and CBS News teamed up to create a new, exclusive special with comedian Chris Rock titled No Joke: Chris Rock and Gayle King. It is so good to be here right now. âNo Joke: Chris Rock and Gayle Kingâ features exclusive extended footage from the comedianâs latest Netflix special. Eyes on the fucking prize! If you’re in a relationship, all you should be doing is fucking and going places. That’s right. Okay? The studio has acquired the rights to the Tony-winning Rodgers and Hammerstein musical. I just love watching the preachers. Rock inked a two-special deal with Netflix back in 2016 for a reported $40 million, and Tamborine â released ten years after his 2008 HBO special Kill the Messenger â was the first. Your woman’s like, “What’s that smell?” “I don’t know.” Then you take off your clothes and a little bar of soap falls out your ass. Did you ever go to a freshman orientation? You?” “Come on, Chris, what the fuck is wrong with you?” “What the fuck is wrong with men?”, I know a bunch of women are thinking that right now. I’m trying to fucking help you, okay? Get the fuck away from me.”. I don’t know if I’ll have the money. âChris Rock: Tamborineâ Extended Cut Netflix Premiere Date But you ever notice that almost all the mass shooters, none of them own homes? Damn near the same house, okay? I mean, here’s the thing. So I know I said you’re not supposed to compete in a relationship, but after you go through that shit, you’re like, “Am I gonna lose my kids?” I was like, “Yo, I’m going hard every time I have my kids.” I always went hard, but I’m going extra hard. You gotta get your kids ready for the white man. Just smack⦠Yeah, I ain’t the only one. We have a no-bully policy. I’m not⦠I’m not bragging. “They could be anything they wanna be.” Shut the fuck up. No matter what they were talking about, “Hey, man, you see LeBron?” “No, I was too busy giving this bum some money. Check this out.” “You could be anything you’re good at, as long as they’re hiring.” “And even then, it helps to know somebody.”, So I’m sitting there, I’m in school and I’m watching this shit, and it dawned on me that this orientation wasn’t right. And when somebody does you wrong, just give ’em a kiss. That’s right. Divorced. But if you got a bad mortgage, whoo⦠Hell hath no fury like a bad mortgage. You know? Sometimes you gotta suck a melancholy dick. Wheel!” Then you get to the resort and you’re like, “Jamaica’s nice. Should’ve been a good deed. Yes, that’s a long run. My friends are like, “You can’t be under your own name. You think you know her right now, you don’t know shit. You could have a 12:00 flight and leave your house at 11:30. A man is only loved under the condition that he provides something. I’ve never gotten a check from somebody taller than me. You can’t threaten a man with sex he don’t ever get. I know that shit’s dangerous. Um, thank you. “Daddy gonna be here in five minutes. That’s right. That’s what Whitey do. Think about it. “You got a ticket for dead Grandma?”. Every problem you have today, you had when you met. You know? That’s right, when you are in a relationship, you’re in a band. That drive. I love getting up on a Sunday and watching the preachers. Bullies are the fertilizer that help good people to grow. Lose your job for three weeks, motherfucker, and you will meet her. I thought it was Good Friday. What does the Bible say happened on the seventh day? I’m like, “Where are you going? That’s a pretty ambitious thing to say. I made it. My skills are going to waste. I’mma work. Oh, sit down. Ladies, you gotta fuck your husbands. These girls fuck fast now. It’s so heavy. No, no, no. Ooh, they’re not laughing. I’m a good person. I’mma be here 30 more years. They keep moving Easter.”, I’m trying to find God before God finds me. We’ll order in.”. American Airlines can’t be, like, “Most of our pilots like to land. If you got a good mortgage, God has blessed you. You know like when you go to the Caribbean? You got to mix it up. Stop it, okay? That’s right, you in a band. Women cheat. You never see the Devil on TV going, “Hey, this evil ain’t gonna pay for itself.”. I need you to grab his leg and don’t let go. The judge, the bailiff, the stenographer. He been all up in your house, he drank your Pellegrino. Then, later on, now you’re all fucked up and you need a perfect porn cocktail⦠to get you off, you know? Y’all cool. And whoever⦠Whoever⦠makes the most money has to pay the legal fees for the other person, so I had to pay for a lawyer to divorce me. They’ll fuck her better than you. That is her fucking house. Lot of women don’t know how to give the pussy strike. You can’t get in the gate, Gates.”. I think the act of helping God is sacrilegious. But I’m not like Michael Jackson famous. That shit’s fucked up, man. You don’t teach your kid to love. God makes plenty of mistakes. I guess that’s why they call him Stabby.”. You racist brat, stop it.” “Daddy, that man, he’s got antennas. I make sure they go back to her with a story like, “Mama, Mama, Drake helped me with my homework.” “Lady Gaga made me a grilled cheese sandwich.”. I thought, “I pay for everything, I can do what I want.” That shit don’t fucking work. I didn’t see that coming.”, “He’s a stabbing fool. As with everything Marvel, scratch the surface of this show and youâll find a host of nods to both comics and MCU history. Who pays God’s taxes, Wesley Snipes? At my house, we don’t have fire drills, we have whiter drills. Like, I bought this shit on myself, you know. But they’re not gonna take her. Sit your asses down. Shit, man. We’re at war with extremists. You’re looking out the window and you’re like, “What the fuck? Chris Rock is releasing a new extended cut of his Netflix special called "Chris Rock Total Blackout: The Tamborine Extended Cut." Mistake! Let me ride it, let me ride it, let me ride.” You can’t get no 45-year-old woman to get on top. That shit is crazy, man. And you’re mad ’cause you can’t hang up a picture of your mother. They used to have signs up that said, “Whites only.” They used to have signs up that said, “No Blacks allowed.” Now they got something new. So when he acts like he don’t know where he’s going, he’s lying, right? Chris Rock: Total Blackout, The Tamborine Extended Cut will premiere on Netflix on Jan. 12, and will include new jokes, glimpses behind the scenes, and interviews, presumably with Rock. Sarah Michelle Gellar Is âProudâ of Her Co-stars Speaking Against Joss Whedon. Really? Dude, I was not, like, a good husband. No, that was her natural state. [Chris] You know? When they got together, they actually used to talk. He was just coming home from racquetball practice. Whoo! Just some peace, motherfucker. He break your back.”. A lot of religion in the news, man. That’s⦠Okay. We live in a country where two people can do the exact same crime, in the exact same place, at the exact same time, and get different sentences. I mean, being a cop’s a hard job, man. Pussy embargo. Take it. Number two. Uh⦔ “Uh, can you make it go like this?” [pretend-crying] That’s my wife. Pussy strike is the most deadly weapon in the female arsenal. “Rihanna fucked Eddie Griffin. Brooklyn, where I’m from. I said that to Michelle. You have to teach them to hate.” That’s what people always say. That’s right. That’s right. “You fucking weak bitch. You know, I date some girls my age and some little younger. Chris Rock gives his old material a new spin by cutting out some jokes, adding new stories and reordering the routines to make his 2018 Netflix special Tamborine even more relevant in 2021. If I’m lucky.” Shit, having a mortgage make you act right. You know? Some jobs, everybody got to be good. That’s all you should be doing, okay? That’s right, comedian with a gun. Yo, shit has changed. It’s gonna be good.”. You know why else? My oldest started high school. They sit on a white toilet seat, burn their ass. In this remix of ⦠Yeah. You know, you got bad fucking new, man. Rock, I need to see pictures of the refrigerator and the food inside to make sure the children have enough to eat.” I’m like⦠“What have you heard about me? In this extended cut of his 2018 special, Chris Rock takes the stage for a special filled with searing observations on ⦠You’ll never see that picture again. Black President 12, there might be a Wu-Tang reunion, but not⦠Not⦠Not now. This shit is no joke, man. Chris Rock has announced a âremixâ of his 2018 Netflix comedy special, Tamborine.The new version, titled Chris Rock Total Blackout: The Tamborine Extended Cut, ⦠Some of these lessons, you just gotta learn. I⦠I can’t really⦠I can’t, uh⦠[chuckles nervously] You sure she was on the train? You ever read the Bible? Choke-Out Thursdays. That’s right, like Star Trek, just telepath out this motherfucker. And then they ring a bell, and you gotta go watch the entertainment. Dude, I was married for 16 years. “Daddy. I was on the road and⦠I end up sleeping with three different women. Please let me get on with this show. What if you find a woman that just wants you because you’re Chris Rock?” I’m like, “But I am Chris Rock. Tell the kids the fucking truth! But God never finds you at a good time. Like on one hand, I’m a Black man, so I’m like, “Fuck the police.” And on the other hand, I own property. Yep, yep. The country⦔ We’re talking about election and stuff. I wanna live in a world where an equal amount of white kids are shot every month. Kids are the most racist, sexist, homophobic, mean motherfuckers on the face of the Earth. Is God here yet? I know it’s hard being a woman, but there’s a coldness that you have to accept when you’re a man, especially a Black man. You can drown dry. I’m not really supposed to be alone with Michelle Obama. Tell the kids the truth. I’m gonna have a layer of crispy on my hand when I smack this motherfucker. Kids are horrible people. Here’s another good reason to fuck your husband. These souped-up kids walking the streets today thinking they’re fucking special. What’s happened to you was you were performing a task, you fucked up, and you thought, “Let me rest⦠before I fuck this up some more.”. You think you believe in God, no, they extremely believe in God. You’re a celebrity. At their birthday party, I gave them vanilla ice cream with glass in it. Fellas, when you meet a new girl, what do your friends ask you? [chuckling] But here’s the thing, man. What the fuck? Peace is better than pussy. God forbid you wait till you’re 30 to find out people ain’t shit. As soon as he wakes up, it’s like, “Morning, n*gga.” Pow! I need to see some pages.”, Yo, man. Get him fired!” It’s like his sin has punished him. This hurts. Shit, if you got a Black son and you don’t punch him in the face, that’s child abuse. What’s going on? Should I wipe my mouth with it or is that what Whitey wants me to do?” Ever since they was born, everything in my house, hot, heavy, or sharp. But that’s not true. Joel Osteen. Whoa!” You see little kids eating dreadlocks. That’s right, at the show, right now. He steps up on the stage, they shake and meet for the first time, and Richard walks away, but doesn’t leave. That’s my wife.”. Really funny, Chris. âItâs no wonder Iâve been feeling so stressed out and having panic attacks.â, Jared Leto Says He Never Gave Margot Robbie a Dead Rat. And I look and I’m like, “Is that B?” I’ll just say B. It’s like, “Well, it’s not most cops.